Nomophobia

Nomophobia.

Nomo-wha?

NO MObile PHone PhoBIA – a psychological condition when people have a fear of being detached from mobile phone connectivity.

Fear. Anxiety. About Your Smartphone? Yep, it’s a real condition.

Think of it like taking a Favorite Toy away from a Toddler. It’s the same thing. You’re a Toddler.

You need to be both Parent & Toddler in the same brain. Whoa, I know, this just got realz.

What do you do if a Toddler won’t give back the iPad? (First, why are you letting your Toddler play around with an iPad? What kind of Parent are you? Don’t you know that staring at a screen all day will impair their cognitive development? What’s that? She has her own iPad? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Now I have to kill you, Parent.)

Back to You.

Be Your Own Parent.

You have to Parent Yourself.

I know, it sounds nutz. But you’re a Toddler, your decision making process cannot be trusted.

With a Toddler we can simply place the toy up high out of reach. Or stuff it in a cupboard. Out of sight, out of mind.

But you’re unfortunately also an Adult. With height and arms and ownership of said abode. How do we put the toy out of reach for you?

This is where things start to get interesting. How are you feeling? Did you have a big lunch? Taco Tuesday? Maybe a bowl of Bran Flakes? A half a pot of Coffee to wash it all down? You’re ready for Step 1.

Step 1: Turn off your smartphone.

Step 2: Place your smartphone in a Ziploc bag. Any bag that is watertight will do.

Step 3: Feel that rumble in your tummy? It’s time to complete your daily expulsion.

Step 4: Poop. (in a toilet)

Step 5: Don’t Flush it down.

Step 6: You knew this was coming: drop the Ziploc bag (with your smartphone inside) into the toilet bowl wasteland.

Step 7: Close the Lid on the toilet.

Step 8: Place a Sign on the toilet: Out of Order.

Step 9: Sit at your Kitchen Table. And wait…

What wild thoughts are coursing through your mind?

Salad tongs. An old pair of salad tongs. Chopsticks even. I’ve got loads of extra Chopsticks in one of these kitchen drawers. Gloves. Those yellow latex gloves. They’re under the sink somewhere…

You’re already planning your escape. I know you are. Don’t deny it. It’s okay. It’s to be expected.

Don’t fight it. Own it. Flow with it. I want you to come up with every feasible and ridiculous way to extricate your smartphone from its current foul underwater habitat.

Dental floss! Yes, a lasso, that could work in a pinch.
Tweezers! Kind of small but maybe.
Magnets! Uh, perhaps?
The Hair Dryer! This could get messy.
A Hair Net or Shower Cap! Might be sort of gross but okay.
The Fishing Net in the Garage! Will that fit in the toilet?
A Snow Shovel! A Tiny Snow Shovel! Uhhhhh.
A Kid’s Sandbox Shovel! Could work, but then its life is over.

You’re doing Great. Don’t be frustrated. No matter how possible or preposterous these ideas are, you are totally on the right track. Fantastic work. And you know what else?

You’re Not Staring At Your Damn Smartphone!

Your Imagination is Firing Again. Isn’t that wonderful? Doesn’t it feel amazing? You’re Alive! You’re not just 2 Eyeballs Who Look at Screens All Day. You’re Smart. You’ve Got Ideas. Fresh Thoughts.

You’re Welcome.

We’ll leave the actual smartphone extraction to you. Our only advice: don’t flush first.