Forrest Method

Put on some dashing short shorts. Don your favorite chapeau. Snatch the comfiest sweatshirt you own, you know the one, it feels like Sunday morning. You’re gonna wanna down a lot of water. Hydration is paramount. Then lace up those sneaks nice and tight, but not too tight, we still want those toesies to be spry. Grab your wallet but leave your keys, and obviously leave your smartphone behind also. Where you’re going you won’t need it.

Walk out your front door. Preferably a front door that also has a screen door so that it can thwack dramatically behind you. Regard the sky. If it’s bright blue then feel that deep blueness in your heart. If it’s not blue but something else then imagine it is blue and take that imagined blueness into your heart.

Now close your eyes. Slowly take in a deep breath. Let it out even slower.

Open your eyes.

Now run to South Dakota.

(If you happen to already be in South Dakota then simply run in place for 3 months. It’s only fair to your fellow travelers.)

Disclaimer: you must be eighteen years of age or older to deploy this method. Otherwise you can cause an Amber Alert which Nossing in no way endorses enacting. We are strictly con Amber Alerts. We’ve got enough problems, thank you very much.